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| 01:37am 16/01/2005 |
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hello everyone i have notupdated in a while but i guess that is ok....Ishia has had two shows so far and both have been rocking. as most of you all now know i have moved from being the vocalist to becoming the bassist. and i will tell you that i love it. we are doing so well.....
everyone go to
www.ishiaband.com and sign the guestbook after you go to www.purevolume.com/ishia and then go to www.myspace.com/ishia |
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| 05:24pm 15/12/2004 |
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rip away the most guarded objects to peel away the secrets within. question everything for you to understand nothing in the end.
what have i been up to lately. well, i know that no one really in all sincerity really cares. but i guess this only gives me something to do and a calm way to vent.
i have good things and i have bad things. lets look at the bad things. there is so much that i can honestly say that i have but there is still sometime a shadow darkening my days, a hole in my heart. im just tired its hard to hold open my eyes. its hard to stay awake sometimes at work. i guess its not good. not to provoke another subject but why is it so easy for someone to tell you that your wrong then to tell you what you do right. instead of focusing on the positive "lets take the easy way out lets talk about the negative ". why is the world like that? i guess that no one really has the answer because everyone in the world is like that. no ones fault just nature. enough of that.
the band is greatly growing. we have 4 songs and one to write. by the 9th. but i guess that it was only our faults we are under a limited amount of time. because we have some friends touring and they will be by here on the 9th, and that sounded like a good time. everything will work out. we are using the potential that everyone said we had. it is hard but we are trying to rush and make it great at the same time.
leave me some love if you want to doesnt even have to be about this entry. just let me know that their are people out there......
ler |
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| WOAH |
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| 10:29am 05/12/2004 |
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mood: tired music: ryan snoring
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yeah so it was late last night well, i guess you could say early that we (ryan, james, and myself) decide to drive out to connersville. just so we could be there and not have to worry about us having to get up earlier in the morning. i thought it was brilliant..HAHA. well, first we have to go to amandas house and we are getting the shit and seriously we hear a woman scream in the distance. then a gunshot. and then anothing scream. no fucking shit a fucking gunshot. we were all like.......later. lol. im driving so we get in and fucking jet. then we are diving literaly like 20 min. away from get to connersville and (im still driving) and i see to blinking hazard lights in the distance. im like what the fuck. we get close...now its a flipped car. we pull over and this girl is like 50 feet from it balling her eyes out and shit. there are no cops and no nothing there helping her besides this one guy that lived across the street from the insident. well, we get out of the car and make sure that everyone was ok. she was. luckly. this car mostly likely skid like 50 to 75 feet im not to sure because it was like 3 in the morning. but yeah. we waited for the cops to show make sure that she would be taken car of and shit. but it was fucking weird that things like this were happening and both happened to us lol. we were there.. haha.. well, its all good now we just have to wait for eric and austin to get here so we can being this fun filled event... :-) |
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| 07:34pm 29/11/2004 |
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Take my breath,
Feel this embrace,
Bloody hands on my neck,
Force your kiss to my face,
I can't understand,
Ripping my life from my broken hands,
You said this was my fault,
You said it was all my fault.
Try to council this love painted canvas,
This burning intensifies.
Remove the layers of my flesh.
Forgotten passion of your cries,
Burn it down to ashes,
So they can only take him back,
Tainted love is tragic,
Smother this child with sacrifice.
Take these pictures with faceless frames,
Haunting the walls of this lifeless home.
Disguise my face,
Lost in truth, blanket them with lies,
This is my love, a victim in goodbyes, |
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| 04:43pm 18/11/2004 |
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hello hello hello...
well, its been a long time once again but there are somethings that need to be talked about. nothing really for a reason but just somethings that have happened. then band went through a major downfall. some changes have just been made. and now for some reason show is about to begin. a major as beatdown is going to come. we just got a way harder sound all of the sudden. i love it. im not going to tell you of the changes but i think that they are for the best. i hope you all like it. we are hopeing to hit the studio asap. but hey never now. i think that it will be a great outcome. see you all around. |
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| 07:16pm 27/10/2004 |
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hello the dead and thank them for what curse they have given me. a curse that bleeds dry everything that i love. i do love. but i am ungiving. i try and i try to give back to the one whom have givin the most but yet, when i do give they only see me take. it is no ones fault but my own. i fear losing what i have been sent from the heavens. i fear that this curse that i try and try to control will over throw everything that i am. but i will try and try with all the love that i have in my heart that i will keep this gift and not lose again. there is nothing more in this world that i would love more then to be loved. like they say "better to love then loss then to never love at all." fuck that if i have love and i geel that this love is worth everything that i have then i will keep it and never let it go until i have not one single breath left in my body.
~Corey |
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| 08:10pm 09/06/2004 |
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hey everyone, it is me and i am still alive. i have a steady job. im stating to get to paying back all my debts. so everything is going good now. The band has been on hold for a while but its time to stop that and pick it up. we have a show this sat. at the emerson theater. we are playing a big show with paradox. its like there last show or something. but yeah i still havent gotten my comp on high speed yet so i have to use my moms comp ( gay ) but yeha i will update again as soon as i can. much luv
lers |
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| Death......the word is something to remember. |
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| 12:42am 13/03/2004 |
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mood: depressed music: the thumping of my head
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i dont like the fact that i am thinking about death but it really seems like the only way out. i mean really think about it. if i were to die i would not be dragging the ones that i care about down. if i were dead then i would not have to put up with the fact that i really have nothing. if i were dead then i could make all the tears that i have and will cause fade away. if i were dead then i would fade away. this is the way that it is. im the lostest of low now. im losing it all everything that i have worked for everything that i have is walking out the door. looking back at me and tell me that things will be fine. things always get better. well, when? i mean seriously i have been doing everything that i know and everything that is in my power to make my life and everyone in my life easier. :-( i dont want to die but it really just makes more sence. i dont want to be hated for having this feeling and i know that there are so many people that say that talking about death is just a scream for attention well, just to let you all know im not screaming for attention i just want to know that i am being heard. i just want to know that there is someone out there that can look me in the eyes and tell me that they will be there for me.. i just want to be told that everything will be ok. i am willing to work for what i get. no matter what. but its hard to work for something that wont tell you if they will be there always. you know...think about it...its like this.....Im going to work to make money so i can go by a fish but then after I buy the fish a guy comes up to me and tells me you know if you dont do everything in your power to keep that fish healthy then it will just die. working so hard for something that you dont even know it will be there in the end. im not saying that i will quit but i just think that it is not right how things can be so random. i will just leave this be for now maybe things will blow over. maybe they wont ( i pray they do )
help if you can im asking
¤corey¤ |
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| 04:32pm 04/03/2004 |
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THERE IS A SHOW BEING HELD NEAR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GO!!!!!!!
haha come to the show click the thing under it for info.....:-)
this is where you want to be |
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| 05:55pm 25/02/2004 |
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I have a date with a Kinfe,
a party to make me bleed,
rip of the scabs from my eyes,
forget everything that you have seen,
Find myself again with the white pills in my hand,
now i see, something starring back at me,
this is this in the end............. |
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| 12:43am 16/02/2004 |
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hey well its been a long day. but its ok though because its coming to end...not likes its been a bad day because it hasnt been.. but lets see. saturday. we wont up and we went to castleton with ryan because he wanted to get his check so he could put a down payment on something....but we went there and it was fun because we just gt to hang out. then we came back in a hurry because we had a show that night and we had to be there at 5 i was late but i guess thats ok because everyone else got there on time. we had a really good show i was told. we had some great pits. wall to wall i would like to say. none the less. amy got beat up pretty bad. i felt bad because i asked her to go. feels like it was my fault. so yeah...now i feel like that biggest and worst dick ever. i had so many ideas for me and amy on V-day but none of them could come ture because i dont have a job anymore and i had to pay bills with what money i did have. i know that i will make it up to her. she has done so much for me. she deserves so much more then me. so much more. and i fear that she will realize that and leave me. i dont want that to happen because i know that i can pull through and make everything better. i just need time. so yeah. i need to step up and take care of a problem that i caused. i wanted so bad for her to have a good day on saturday. but its just another thing that i cant pull through with...feels like i can never do anything right. i dont mean to be so down but its the truth. i just want to take everything back that i have failed in and try again. but i guess if it were that easy then everyone would have everything in life that they wanted...the only thing i want is to be happy and to be ok. the things that i only need to get through life would be fine with me. i wont lie i need help. everyone does at one point. and i never ask for it. but sometimes you have to. :'-( its ok though.
sunday
we slept in a long time today. we both did didnt really get out of bed until like 3 lol. its ok though we spent the whole day together and it was awesome. we got up and took a shower. got ready for the day then austin showed up it was an awesome suprise because i really dont hang with the kat that much out of band practice and shows. it was awesome. then me and amy went to the movie store. and got a couple movies and came back...by that time ryan was here and we had a lil party ..lol.. but yeah we came up with a design for a t-shirt so they will be coming to a store near you soon. lol not really but we will have them soon. then we watched some movies first the lion king 1 1/2...it was a funny one i liked it...then me and amy made dinner for the both of us. it was mexican style rice with seasoned steak. (i did the steak ;-) ) with mashed potatoes...yummy..but it was good...then we watched grind. . . that movie is great...it was really funny lol....i loved it lol i would tell you allt to go get it but who listens to me....i will stop for now. maybe i will write when i have something awesome happen to me..... |
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| 01:24pm 12/02/2004 |
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mood: crushed music: nothing
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take a breath, in no way shape or form is what im going to say caused from someone other then myself.....i have two things in my life and nothing else. i no longer have a job. i no longer have a car. i no longer have the motivation to keep moving forward. why? i like to think of myself as a nice person. why does something like this happen to me. i sit and i think what i can do to get myself back on my feet but i cant think of anything. i want to get a new job but i have no way of getting there. i want to get a car but i need a job to get it and that is out of the question. i put myself in this situation and i have to get myself out. i have amy and she is at the time the only one keeping me head about water. i dont know if she can put up with me much longer though. i feel like im losing her....i dont want to, i want her so bad. when i think what my days would be like without her it pulls me down. it makes me think that i am sitting in an all white room in the only corner that is pitch black. i want to make her happy but i dont have enough money to buy her awesome things. granted i buy her things but its nothing that is awesome and awesome is what she deserves...i want to make everything as close to perfect as possible between us. but without having a car or a job at the moment i dont think that i can. i know that i can make her happy...but i also know that i am slowly making her think twice about being with me...so basically all that i can ask is the she will just help me and give me some time and sooner then later she is be the happiest she has ever been...i know that i can do that...
the second thing that i have left is the band which is great. i mean there are some problems about scheduals conflicting but nothing that cant be resolved. we just need to put our priorities aside and think of what is best for the band. everything with that will be ok i think...
i dont know not having a job or a car will cost me so much...i think that it will cost me my home. and it will cost me amy.....just to think of that makes everything in my body go numb. i got to go.
i need to step up to the challenge ahead and over come. lets just hope that everything works out. please let it work out!!! |
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| 12:58pm 11/02/2004 |
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mood: bored music: calico system
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hello hello hello....today what did i do today. . nothing really i started putting together my v_day...i think that it will be fun but i just have to make sure that everything goes right.
i cleanned the carpets in my appt. it was work but it need to be done....just sitting her now. nothing really to do...so yeah...ummm im bored :-( call me if you know my # give me something to do :-( |
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| **punches self in face** |
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| 12:33am 09/02/2004 |
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mood: crushed music: video games in the other room
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i am the worlds worst brother. i forgot my sisters birthday. i should be dead i am so pissed at myself for that. i know that i will make it up to her but i dont know if something like that can be forgivin once again i mess things up. i dont know what i am going to do to make it up to her. but i know that it has to be something awesome....
i have plans for other things like V-Day i never really worry about V-Day because i always am not with anyone and i know that i must do something very special this year because the person that i will be sharing it with deserves nothing but the best. sometimes i question why this wonderful girl is with me as much shit as i put her though. call me carzy but im not the best catch...but i have her and i am the luckiest person...she does wonders for me...raises my spirits and all. i dont know what i would do without i know i wouldnt want to but if i did it would never be the same...all i really want her to know is that im sorry for things that i have said and done, i cant make up for them and i know that I cant be forgivin for things in the past but whatever i did to get you i am going to keep doing to keep you...and more. i will give you everything that i have to give....when things pick up you will see i wont lose you...i can't...... |
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| 02:45pm 08/02/2004 |
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music: the shower running
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Name:Corey
Age:19
Sex:m
Location:indidanpolis IN
10 bands that tickle your fancy: norma jean, between the buried and me, bury your dead, on broken wings, a static lullaby, unearth, everytime i die, as i lay dieing, still remains, poison the well,
scarf or pearls?:scarf
how are you hotxcore:sex is awesome lol idk
do you smoke, drink, shoot up?: yeah :-( (only drink and smoke)
On a Scale from 1-10 (based on yourself):8 lol
hair:9 (black)
lips:7 (soft)
eyes:10 Big and blue)
fashion:8 (hardcore emo kid)
toosh:7 (dont realy have one)
shoes:9 (lots of different ones)
your views
on sex:love it if you are with the right person
vegan, vegetarian, other?:just me
drugs: nope
fashion:hardcore emo kid i guess
being "scene": i love attention if thats what you mean
this is me and im sorry if im against your views but everyone has different outlooks on everything and everyone makes there own desions....take me for me and understand that, that is the way that i am |
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| 02:06pm 07/02/2004 |
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their's gonna be a party tonight, a party tonight i know...........
Austin is having his b-day party at my home tonight so everyone who knows where that is come. and everyone who wants anything bring money or bring it yourself...but theres gonna be a party tonight and party tonight i know |
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| 02:47am 06/02/2004 |
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mood: sad music: my headache thumping
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semms like we all are in a need for someone to talk to....i think things are going so well and i do is mess things up. again. i think that we are happy that everyone is happy but certain things tell otherise. certain websites tell the truth. she doesnt ask for much but all i have to give is my heart and soul. all i have to give isme. every peace. i dont understand what am i doing so wrong why is it that can never fix the problems that i cause. i think that if you are able to break you should be able to fix it. im writing her a song something beautiful because that is what she deserves. something that will shed a tear of happiness (hopefully) i want her to hug me like she would hug me if she were to never see me again. kiss my like it would be our last kiss. i want her to pull me close to her so she can whisper in my ear that everything will be ok and i am doing just fine.....im trynig my best im giving everything that i have i think that i might be losing her.i couldnt stand to be without her. shes asleep in my bed now. i want to kiss her foehead and tell her that im sorry for not giving more but i dont want to wake her. so what i can say to myself is that i will give more and give her what she needs to be happy...i know that i am fuly capable to give such attention.its just the matter of how much is enough because you know some people like alot some people like some, some people like enough to make them happy how much is enough for her. i will find out i guess and i will make her happy. i will give her what she needs...i will step back look at what i have and give it all. open my arms to the one that has given to me everything that she can and give back to her. everything is for her. all i really want her to know is "dont give up on me. i will always be here, i will give more....and i have tripped."
im sorry for all of you that are reading this who dont care but i needed someone/thing to talk to....i hope everything gets better.
until next time
*corey* |
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| ok ok ok take a breath |
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| 02:46pm 05/02/2004 |
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mood: mellow music: Between the Buried and me/Shevanel cut A flip
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now we have all found out that my last post was not up to date. but that is ok...i didnt go to the one last year so i didnt know what bands were there. but i am going this year and whoever wants to go let me know and we will go. im talking a big ass van and maybe a stationwagon (thanks to Katie) and a bunch of people i dont know where we will be staying.....maybe in some tents, maybe in a hotel, maybe in the van i dont know but i want to go
so yes things like these need to be planned so let me know if you really want to go...if you want to go post a comment with just your name..i will write it down and configure everything that we need to do........ok bye |
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onescreaming's journal
